At some point my iPhone decided ‘cool’ should actually be ‘cook’ and now oscillates between hardcore obstinacy and whimsically auto-correcting this word. Which is problematic because ‘cool’ it is my most used affirmation. Which is then often followed by duck. Sometimes all in Caps. Apparently my most used profanity.

Wife: Can you stop and get milk?

Jo: Cook


Wife: I’m assuming this means you’re on it?

Jo: Yes.

Of course some people have surpassed mere mortals and… sub-mortals (i.e. me) and turned this form of communication into something more profound.

Case in point.


I want to be like Lily’s dad. Only… I don’t think I have the energy or thesaurus like ability (on the fly) to pull this off.

Also I’m hungry now. ‘Joey feels the need to sate the ravenous emptiness in his abdomen with slivers of sauteed hind of swine’.

When actually I mean…

Hmm. Bacon.