Capitalist Hugs

Ooooh… only $2.

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Vaguely I wonder what comes with the deluxe hug? Perhaps more square inch mammary gland surface area contact? I might be willing to pay for that. I quite like boobs pushed up against me.

Comparatively I imagine the free hug is like the hug you’re forced to give that creepy relative… while internally reciting the mantra ‘Don’t kiss me on the mouth, don’t kiss me on the mouth’ (while at the same time trying to breathe… through your mouth)

The Deluxe Hug must be… like that all encompassing, grappling, bear hug that takes your to edge of asphyxiation/orgasm? Or maybe there is some form of sanitation that takes place between events. Be sure the hugger is hepatitis free, here’s his certificate. Or maybe they synergize their hug with some kind of added extra. ‘You smell great’.

‘Really? Thanks!’ *feels good for the rest of the day*

I want one.

You think the advertised price includes GST?