Discworldian physics. And the beginning of the end times.

Monday morning… Traffic was super mundane and no one tried to murder me. Which is… (in all honesty) exceptionally weird. Usually theres a least one. So… off to a good start. I realise I’m totally jinxing myself (and potentially everyone else on the earth) and that this bump in the space-time fabric has just caused one of the celestial elephants to stumble, cantilevering our planet dangerously off to one side. This could be the end for us. (I always suspected my life had purpose) Joey, pusher of the red button, destroyer of humanity.

Vaguely I wonder if cantilevering is really a word. And more importantly if I’ve used it correctly. My thought process being, since there are four elephants holding up the planet (on the back of giant space turtle), one stumbling means, at that point the planet would be cantilevered? Ie, not supported. Anyways. I apologise if I got it wrong. I am not an architect, engineer or astrophysicist. If you want to send me some pithy, hate mail, I’m okay with that. (I won’t be checking my mail again anyway)

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The above assumes you have a working understanding of Discworldian physics. How someone could get this far in life WITHOUT an understanding thereof is beyond me… but I imagine there are people out there… you know… *cough* living in a dark Platonian cave playing shadow puppets or whatever people do for fun in allegories of this type. (Joey pats myself on the back for combining Terry Pratchett, flat-earthism and Philosophy one oh one into a single post, yay!)

Hmmm. One of my IP addresses has JUST (randomly) decided it’s in conflict. Conflict with whom is unclear… Maybe Poland? Historically speaking that would probably make sense. We have always been envious of their lebensraum. Although the Poles make the best games these days (CD Project Red, 11 bit studios, etc) which makes me less inclined to call for invasion and take up a more, let them live and make games, philosophy.

Anyway, this is how it starts. ‘We have an elephant down. I repeat we have an elephant down’. (to be shouted in a Scottish accent). Although how one would go about righting a downed celestial elephant… is beyond me, I’m just the harbinger of doom, I don’t come with any real solutions or workable stratagems. I am the guy that leaves the wet towel on the bed, doesn’t replace toilet paper rolls and puts the empty milk carton BACK in the refrigerator… clearly I’m more disposed towards chaos (and getting shouted at by my wife).

I tag this post as ‘astronomy’. I chortle to myself as I tick the box. God, I am so funny.

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