Can’t make this stuff up.

In thirty minutes I have a disciplinary hearing for one of my staff members. The charges are, and I quote.

  1. … that you engaged in both behaviour and unwelcome conduct of a sexual and offensive nature when you attempted to measure your colleagues genitals with a company measuring tape against his will and continued to attempt to do so despite protests from your colleague making it clear that your behaviour was unwelcome and unwanted.
  2. … that you assaulted your colleague, intimidating and assaulting him when he attempted to stop you from continuing your sexual harassment and would not allow you to touch his body or genitals.
  3. … that you continued to intimidate your colleague by brandishing a knife at his person and threatening to ‘kill him after work’.
  4. … whereby you engaged in gross insubordination refusing to adhere to your managers commands and told him that he is a ‘racist’ because he favours the black staff.